As far as my mental list of things I want my three year old to learn about, the cigarettes topic was about as far down as you could go. I mean, neither my husband or myself smokes, and Axel is very rarely around anyone doing so. However, this whole natural learning thing is for real. I cannot always be in control of these things, and I’m getting more used to the idea, although I constantly have to tell the control freak inside of me to relax. Moments like these make it easy.
It all started a few weeks ago when Axel saw some cigarette butts at the park (gross- use a trash people!). He asked what they were, and I answered, but didn’t go into any further detail. A week or so passed, and out of the blue he asked me, “mommy, what are cigarette butts?” It was instantly obvious that he was extremely ripe and ready to absorb the information, so I jumped right on the opportunity. I explained to him what cigarettes were, as well as what the filter (butt) was. I asked him if he would like to see how they were made, and he thoughtfully responded with a “yes.” I jumped on youtube, and found a cigarette factory video that showed how they were made, including a clip of all the nasty chemicals that were poured into the tobacco.
Throughout the short video, I was also in constant dialogue with Axel, and he asked several good questions, such as what “smoking” meant, and also, why people would smoke if it was bad for them. He was so innocently curious, and I followed his lead, answering his questions as best I could. We then looked at a picture of healthy versus unhealthy smoker’s lungs, which really interested him. He kept saying that we want our lungs to be pretty and pink/red, not yucky and black.
As his mother, I saw that he was ready, so I discussed with him how sometimes a person’s lungs may become so sick that they could have to have surgery, and having never heard the term, I told him what that meant. That was when he said the most precious little thing that melted my heart (despite the not so lovely topic). He said, “sometimes the doctor will have to cut the people open so they can get the cigarettes out, right mommy?” What a son I have. Of course, I told him how it really worked, but it really does amaze me sometimes how his little brain works.
The neat thing about all this was how it had such a snowball effect. It began with cigarette butts, then cigarettes, then chemicals in them, then how people smoke them, then how lungs become unhealthy, then how surgery might have to happen, then where his lungs were, and on and on. We ended up buying a little miniature skeleton with gooey organs that can be removed that he is thoroughly enjoying. Why? Because he CARES about the topic- AT THIS MOMENT. Not 3 months ago, not 3 months from now, maybe not even tomorrow.
One of the biggest lessons learned, not only for Axel, but for myself, is that human beings are imperfect. Yes, some people smoke, and it’s a gross and unhealthy habit (and my son has already done a few double takes when he’s spotted someone smoking in public), but we don’t eat and live perfectly either. It’s not about judging other people around us for doing things that we believe are bad for us, but about making good decisions for ourselves and our families.
I’m hoping that we can all learn to have respect for the people around us, and lead by example, not with a holier than thou attitude. Our children must see us model this type of behavior. We want our little ones to be confident in their good decision making, but also to get up and try again when they make mistakes. We want them to be honest about what is right, but also to love those who make lots of mistakes, because lets face it, if we don’t forgive others, it sure makes it difficult to forgive ourselves.
I am thankful that I have friends and family that love me despite my flaws. I am working to be better in this area, but I am and always will be a work in progress. I am a truly blessed woman, and I’m so glad I get to share these wonderful moments with such an awesome person- my sweet Axel.
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