Natural Parenting Carnival – Help!

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing letters to ask our readers for help with a current parenting issue. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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I have a natural parenting dilemma!

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I don’t have enough time to do all the things that I need and want to do! I want to give my complete undivided attention to Axel at all times. I need to go grocery shopping so we don’t starve do death. It’s necessary that I clean the bathroom once a year. (Haha- ew.) How do all of you natural parenting people do it all? Are you all just breastfeeding, cosleeping, gentle disciplining, baby wearing, natural living maniacs!?  Sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my mind!

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I have been having a really hard time with effectively managing my time lately.  I can’t seem to keep up with all of my natural parenting ideals.  We are still practicing all of the same things we were before, but I’m finding myself paying less attention to Axel, simply because there is so much to DO all the time!

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How do you all find time to do chores, without losing sight of what’s most important?  I am not very focused right now, and I need some honest advice about how I can redirect myself back in the right direction.  I think I’m in “get stuff done” mode, and sitting with Axel outside doesn’t produce immediate results, if you know what I mean.  (I love doing it, and spending time with him always warms my heart, but it’s hard when a million things are swarming through my head from my “to do” list.)

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My son is my life, and I love him with all my heart.  I want to be the best mommy I can be.  Please, can someone tell me how I can manage all of the things that get in the way of life, without neglecting my precious little boy?  I’m just so stressed out, and I would really appreciate the advice.  Thank you all.

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by the end of the day April 13 with all the carnival links.)

April 13, 2010 | 18 Comments »

Natural Parenting “Wrong”

In my last post I talked about our societies opposition towards natural parenting, and how we should be understanding of other parenting styles because we are all trying to do our best.  After re-reading the entry, however, I realized that I was preaching the same old “tolerance” message that so many others are reciting today.

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It’s the new fad.  Everyone should accept what everyone does as “right,” regardless of whether their heart, faith, or conscience is telling them otherwise.  This kind of behavior is what causes a person’s character to crumble.  We cannot sit back and watch our world go down the drain along with our convictions.

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Natural parenting does not always mean that families simply parent the way that is most natural to them.  (I won’t get into what I consider natural parenting to be, because I’ve gone over it before, but it includes things like breastfeeding, ec, cosleeping, etc…)  Some adults may have been physically abused as children, and now feel the most comfortable treating their own babies in the same manner.  In a case such as that, I would and will most definitely say that they are natural parenting the WRONG way.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it, it’s wrong.

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The difficult issue I’m having is when to draw the line.  When you feel passionate about something, it can be very hard to be objective about it.  I try to view the natural parenting choices I’ve made through other “normal” people’s eyes, but it’s not an easy thing to do.

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For instance, someone online made a comment that I was torturing my child by not allowing him to wear diapers.  No matter how many times I read the statement, I could not for the life of me figure out how that made any sense whatsoever.  Torture, really?  Actually, I could easily make the argument that they were torturing their child by forcing them to sit in their own feces.  Since I don’t believe that, though, I left the situation alone, and I don’t go around trying to get people to take their children out of diapers (unless they ask).

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However, if someone tells me that they are practicing natural parenting by spanking their children with a leather belt until they bleed, I would have to do something about that.  Just because you are a parent who gets the urge to beat the crap out of your child in a fit of rage, does not make it natural, nor does it make it acceptable.  Some things are just wrong, no matter how you put it.

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Who has the authority to say what is wrong?  In my case, obviously the answer is God, because I believe He should have the first and last say in everything.  This is a really tough question, though, because not everyone believes the same way.  Many abusers truly believe that physically torturing their offspring is natural parenting.  (By natural parenting, I’m referring to parenting the way they think is natural.)  In their minds, children are meant to be “trained,” a.k.a. beat into submission.  (I’m all for training, but I’ll get into how I think this should be done in a later post.)

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So, if I consider intense belt lashings on children to be wrong, then does that mean all spanking is wrong?  I honestly don’t know.  Logically, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I do personally know some very loving parents who occasionally spank (lightly on the bottom only).  When I’m around them, I don’t have the urge to run to the nearest phone and dial CPS, because I don’t believe they are “abusing” their kids.  On the other hand, I might see a woman popping her child on the butt in Walmart out of pure anger and frustration, and it just doesn’t look right.  I’ve seen how it can crush a child’s confidence, and it’s saddens me.

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Basically, when it comes right down to it, natural parenting does not fit into a one size fits all box, but there are some very obvious wrongs that we should all avoid.  If you see a man punch a small child in the face, by all means, please do something about it (call 911).  If you see someone making their baby drink soap as punishment for crying, don’t sit back and watch helplessly.

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Natural parenting is different for everyone, and when it comes to small issues (like cosleeping), we really should be understanding of others doing things differently.  But, we should not, for any reason, disregard true wrong doing.  We have a responsibility to pay attention to these sort of things.

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Our world will never get better if we don’t speak up about what is right.

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March 18, 2010 | Tags: | No Comments »

Natural Parenting Criticism

Natural parenting seems to face a lot of opposition.  Nearly every person I’m around has something to say about why I am raising my child the wrong way.  I do not want to be one of those people.

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Obviously, I wouldn’t be criticizing natural parenting, but I could easily slip into judging other types of parenting choices that people make.  I do not want to do this, but I occasionally catch myself thinking that other parents could, or more truthfully, “should” do things a different way.  That really is unfair of me, especially when I HATE when others treat me that way.

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Being looked down upon by others can make a person feel really lousy (myself included).  There is little worse things that can happen to a kid than being made fun of by their fellow classmates in school.  I don’t believe that things change all that much once we become adults.  “Grown ups” are usually just better at covering up their shame.

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If only we could all be mature, loving adults.  That would be a perfect world.

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Natural parenting is a way of life for us, but it’s not who we “are” as a family.  As a family, we are simply a small group of people who love each other dearly, and want what is best for one another.  I have to remember this.  If I do, I’ll be less likely to get so caught up in my natural parenting ideals that I forget that other families are also trying their very best.

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Some parents will get their children vaccinated, but we won’t, so who is the better family?

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There isn’t one.  No one has the right to judge which is the better decision. Both sides have reasonable arguments as to why their way is the “better” way.  Truth is, there is no better way, because better is completely subjective.  We must stop arguing about these things.

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However, that doesn’t mean we should just stop defending the things we believe in, that’s not what I’m saying at all.  We should continue to fight for our causes.  We just need to do so without trying to annihilate all the people who disagree with us.

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It is easy to get defensive when you’re a natural parent because it seems like everyone is against you.  We are always wrong wrong wrong.  In my case, I’ll admit that I frequently have my guard up with people, because I always feel it necessary to defend myself.  This probably wouldn’t be the case if more people would just agree to disagree with me, without trying to shove their mainstream way of thinking down my throat.  (See what I mean about me being defensive? :) )

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I don’t want to be that way.  I want to be accepting of other people’s decisions, and trust that they truly do have their child’s best interest in mind.  I don’t want to be the person who tries to convince others that natural parenting is the absolute BEST way to parent, because that might not always be the case.

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Different people do different things, and although I would still love to see more families taking on natural parenting lifestyles, I’m going to try not to force my decisions on others.

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This blog is a different story, however.  This is my freedom place.  This is where I rant, and talk about how wonderful natural parenting is for me, and how so many others could benefit if they just tried it, etc…  People already know what this blog is about, and they have the choice to read it or not, so I don’t consider this a place where I am forcing my opinions on anyone, simply because I’m not in control of the sites they visit.

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In other words, I’m still passionate about this blog, and I won’t be stopping anytime soon.  I hope that many of you will receive encouragement and hope from my writing.  (I know I’m not a great writer, but sometimes just knowing that there are others out there in the same boat can be encouraging enough.)

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I hope you will all keep coming back to read.  Just remember, what is right for my family, isn’t going to be right for everyone.

March 16, 2010 | Tags: , | 5 Comments »

Natural Parenting Carnival – Green Living

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Vintage green!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month we’re writing about being green — both how green we were when we were young and how green our kids are today. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

Growing up, I was about the furthest thing from a “green” child as there could be.  I was raised eating processed food, loaded with artificial dyes, preservatives, and who knows what else.  I frequently ate fruit for breakfast, but sadly, it was in the form of strawberry pop tarts.

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I was sick a lot.  I realize now that my diet was to blame, but at the time I had no understanding of food in relation to how my body felt.  I just ate what we had, which was usually ramen noodles, or some frozen fried food.  I recall becoming more and more unhappy as I got older (and my out of control teenage hormones didn’t help).

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I do have a few distinct, happy memories, though, that I now would consider to be green related.  My brother and I used to pick these little purple flowers from the yard, and we would eat them, petals and all.  They were sour, which made them fun to eat (why do kids seem to like sour flavors so much?).  I craved those tiny flowers, which I’m sure was because they were nutritionally beneficial for my body.

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I have similar memories of picking figs from the neighbors yard, and plucking blackberries with friends along the railroad tracks.  I find it interesting that many of my fond memories have to due with fresh, raw food.  It’s as if my body felt so good after eating the flowers, berries, and figs, that my mind attached the experience with happiness.  The brain has a mind of it’s own, I guess.  :)

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With our son, things are much different, as we are trying to be more conscious of our environment.  However, we are not just raising Axel greener because it has become the “in” thing to do.  We are doing it because we believe that God created the earth, and entrusted it’s care to us.  The same goes for our bodies.  We have a responsibility to listen to our convictions, and for us that means living as naturally as possible and teaching Axel to do the same.

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When it comes to raising our son, the absolute most important green behavior that we practice is loving him unconditionally (most of the time, but we obviously aren’t perfect).  We can be as green as we want, but if we don’t love him, none of it really matters much.

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When we focus our attention on loving him, many other natural things fall gently into place.  Loving our sweet baby forces us to think about his feelings before making decisions about his life.

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Axel sleeps with my husband and I because we don’t like sleeping alone, so why would he?

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I breastfeed Axel on demand, because I know that my milk is nourishing and comforting to him.

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We practice elimination communication, because we know that we would want help using the bathroom if we couldn’t do it on our own, and we feel he deserves the same respect.

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My whole point is that being an environmentally friendly family isn’t just about loving the earth.  It’s about loving our son (and future children) enough to teach them that we should take care of our bodies, our land, and other people, because that’s what we were created by God to do.  We must respect life.

Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Code Name: Mama and Hobo MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants.

(This list will be updated March 9 with all the carnival links.)

March 9, 2010 | Tags: , | 18 Comments »

Natural Parenting And Elimination Communication

Yesterday I wrote an article for Ezine Articles, and Patrick suggested that I use it as a blog post as well.  I was happy he recommended it, because I have a migraine, and I don’t much feel like writing brand new material.  :)   Here’s the article:

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“Potty Training Your Infant With Elimination Communication“

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So, you have decided to learn more about infant potty training, but you do not know quite where to start. You are in the right place! Let me first give a brief description of what elimination communication actually is, and then we will get into why people are choosing to practice it.

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Elimination Communication (EC) is a potty training practice in which a person uses timing, signals, cues, and instinct to respond to an infant’s need to eliminate. One of the goals is to partially or completely avoid the use of diapers. EC emphasizes relationship between the caregiver and child, helping them both become more in tune to the child’s natural rhythms and control of his/her bladder and bowels. The term “elimination communication” originated with traditional practices of diaper-less baby care in less industrialized countries. Some people start EC soon after birth, although it can be started with babies of any age.

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Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let us move on to the top reasons folks choose to practice infant potty training.

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#1 – Parents have an innate desire to connect with their offspring, and when a parent is truly in tune with those feelings, they passionately want to do everything in their power to facilitate the bond between their children and themselves. This strong, natural, parental instinct is the most important reason families choose to practice EC. These parents believe that their children are able to non-verbally communicate their needs to them, including their elimination needs. Because of this belief, they quickly respond to their children if they sense they need to eliminate by taking them to the toilet, sink, or even outside. These “natural parenting” adults also believe that their children should not have to sit in their own waste, for they deserve the same respect as any other human being.

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#2 – People are always interested in saving money, and it is not any different for parents. Actually, frugality seems to be amplified once a person becomes a parent. All of the sudden you have to account for the expenses of caring for another human being. That can cost a pretty penny, too. Parents are always trying to come up with ways to pinch a dime or two out of their childcare spending, and elimination communication is one great way to do it. You do not have to worry about diapers, and even if you do choose to use diapers, most EC parents choose inexpensive cloth prefolds. The reason for this is that the baby and parent are able to immediately realize that the child has used the bathroom, because they can see and/or feel the wetness. This allows the child to remain aware of his bodies eliminating function. If disposables are used, most babies quickly lose this natural awareness, because the diapers absorb all the dampness of their urine.

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If you practice full time elimination communication, and do not purchase diapers, you can expect to save thousands of dollars over the course of your child’s “diapering” years. Not to mention the fact that most of these EC‘d babies will be fully toilet trained far before most other non-practicing children, usually around 12-18 months old. This is quite a miracle considering the average potty training age is now 3-4 years of age.

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However, if you do decide to buy some prefold diapers of good quality, you still are only likely to spend a couple hundred dollars, sometimes less. It all depends on how frugal you really want to be. The point is that EC can be a HUGE money saver if you decide to try it. (Elimination Communication Money Savings)

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#3 – Many babies are plagued with diaper rash. The causes of this are too many to count, but frequently they are related to sitting too long in a dirty diaper. It isn’t uncommon to find parents who allow there infants to go diaper free for short periods of time, while in the comfort of their homes. This is because the air allows the babies’ rashed skin the breathe, which aids in healing the problem. I am sure these same people occasionally deal with a little pee on the carpet from time to time.

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What these parents do not usually realize is that what they are doing could actually be termed elimination communication, since most EC families allow their children at least some diaper free time. Many do it early on in the process as a way to observe and learn about their child’s elimination routines. Others allow diaper free time once they feel confident enough in their ability to read their child’s potty cues. Then, there are the few who believe in allowing the child do as they please at all times, and therefore just do not make them wear clothes. (Although, I am finding this to be on the more rare side.)

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I am sure many parents of babies with sore bums would actually be willing to at least attempt elimination communication, if they just allowed themselves to have an open mind. They would see that the benefits FAR outweigh any hassle they might have to go through with the process.

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In conclusion, elimination communication is a wonderful bonding experience for you and your child. It has the potential to save you some mucho bucks, and it is plain better for your child’s bottom. Go ahead, be weird for once, and give this infant potty training stuff a whirl. I promise you will not regret it!

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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sarah_South

March 6, 2010 | Tags: , , , , | No Comments »
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