Welcome to the May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have waxed poetic about how their parenting has inspired others, or how others have inspired them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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I’ve never considered myself to be a great role model, although that is something that I aspire to become.
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I just don’t have it in me to be perfect. I realize that good role models don’t have to be perfect, but the people that I personally look up to far exceed me in so many realms. That is my problem. I’ve always admired people who are “better” than me.
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How do I define better? Well, someone who is smarter, kinder, less irritable, prettier, etc… It’s obvious that I’ve struggled with self esteem issues. But, now that I have a growing boy in my care, I have started to view the world and the people in it differently. I can only improve myself through hard work and commitment, not through being jealous of others.
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My main problem is that I am constantly guilt ridden about this, that, or the other. I never think I am doing a good enough job. When I do actually give myself credit for something, I immediately feel as if I’m being proud, and I shut it out.
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On the surface I believe that I am a good mother to my son, but deep down I honestly feel like I’m doing a pathetic job. I know that this an unhealthy way to view myself. It’s hard to change, though, because I am so adapted to this type of thought pattern. I really want to love myself, so I can become a great role model for my son. At this point I am too afraid, and in turn, am not at my best for my sweet Axel.
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People tell me, “oh, you’re being too hard on yourself. You can’t do EVERYTHING that you want to do with your kids, it isn’t possible.” That’s not the main problem for me, though. I just feel wrong deep in my heart, like no matter how many natural parenting behaviors I practice, or how many activities I do with Axel, I will never be enough. I know where these feelings came from. I’ve had them for such a long time. I’ve been smothering them for years. I do think that confronting them has finally started to point me in the right direction, though, which is a good start.
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I just want Axel to know that I am trying my hardest to be a good mother, and I want nothing more than to show him that. I cannot, and will not allow myself to have a pity party. I am determined to prove to myself that I am a loving and caring mom. If God be for me, who can be against me?
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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by the end of the day May 11 with all the carnival links.)
- Woman Seeking Inspiration — Seeking Mother’s struggles and joys to find her own path in motherhood have inspired others — to her surprise! (@seekingmother )
- Paving the Way — Jessica at This is Worthwhile makes a conscious effort every day to be a role model. (@tisworthwhile )
- No Rules Without Reason — The Recovering Procrastinator wants to inspire her husband to discipline their children gently. (@jenwestpfahl)
- Creating a Culture of Positive Parenting Role Models — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shows parents at the playground how to do a front wrap cross carry and tells nurses about her successful home births, as a way of modeling natural parenting in public. (@TheParentVortex)
- Making A Difference for Mamas — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest took an embarrassing pumping incident at work and turned it into an opportunity for all the employees who breastfeed.
- Inspiring Snowflakes — Joni Rae at Tales of Kitchen Witch Momma is a role model for the most important people: her children. (@kitchenwitch)
- Paying it Forward — Amber at Strocel.com inspires new (and often scared) mamas with these simple words: “It will be OK.” (@AmberStrocel)
- A SAHD’s View on Parenting Role Models — Chris at Stay At Home Dad in Lansing doesn’t have many role models as a SAHD — but hopes to be one to his daughter. (@tessasdad)
- Am I a Role Model? A Review — Deb at Science@home brings attachment parenting out of the baby age and shows how it applies (with science fun!) to parenting through all of childhood. (@ScienceMum)
- Say Something Good — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick reminds women that it is within our right to be proud of ourselves without apology. (@RaisingBoychick)
- Try, Try Again — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis wants to inspire like the Little Engine that Could.
- I’m a Parenting Inspiration, Who Knew? — Sarah at OneStarryNight has received several beautiful comments about just what an inspiration she has been, if not in real life then definitely online. (@starrymom)
- That Little Thing — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing demonstrates the ripple effect, one status update at a time. (@BlkWmnDoBF)
- How Has Your Day Been? — mrs green @ littlegreenblog inspired her friend to be an active listener for her children. (@myzerowaste)
- No, Thank You! — If you are reading Maman A Droit’s post, you’ve probably inspired her. (@MamanADroit)
- My Top 3 Natural Parenting Principles — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now describes how her family’s natural and Montessori principles inspired others. (@DebChitwood)
- My Hope for a Better Life — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children hopes her choices inspire her children toward a better life.
- Natural Parenting Felt Natural — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes didn’t plan on natural parenting — but her son led her there. (@sheryljesin)
- Rest. Is it even possible? — Janet at where birth and feminism intersect has found that even role models need rest — and that there are ways to fit it into everyday parenting life. (@feministbirther)
- May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model — Lauren at Hobo Mama was the fortunate recipient of a seed of inspiration, and has been privileged to plant some of those seeds herself, though she didn’t know it at the time. (@Hobo_Mama)
- crunchspiration — the grumbles at grumbles and grunts wants to inspire others to parent from their heart. (@thegrumbles)
- No Extra Inspiration Required — Zoey at Good Goog doesn’t think she inspires anyone and wasn’t inspired by anyone in return — except by her daughter. (@zoeyspeak)
- Upstream Parenting — Luschka at Diary of a First Child blogs for that one mother in one hundred who will find her words helpful. (@diaryfirstchild)
- Parenting Advice for the Girl from Outer Space — If Mommy Soup at Cream of Mommy Soup could give one piece of inspirational advice to new parents, it would be to parent with kindness. (@MommySoup)
- Natural Parenting Carnival — Role Model — Sarah at Consider Eden feels the pressure at trying — and failing — to live up to her role models. (@ConsiderEden)
- May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role Model — Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages natural parenting mamas to take joy in the fact that they are touching lives and making a difference to children every day. (@CodeNameMama)
- Inspiration Goes Both Ways — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is flustered that people consider her a breastfeeding role model — but the lovely comments she’s received prove it’s so. (@bfmom)
- My Seven — Danielle at born.in.japan has identified seven role models in her life who brought her to natural parenting. Who are your seven? (@borninjp)
- A Quiet Example — Alison at BluebirdMama was one of the first parents in her group of friends — and has come to see almost all those friends follow in her natural birthing footsteps, whether intentionally or not.
- Gentle Discipline Warrior — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has inspired a gentle discipline movement — join her! (@babydust)
- Change The World… One Parent At A Time — Mamapoekie is more comfortable inspiring parents online than she is in real life. (@mamapoekie)
- Inspirational Parenting — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has intentionally tried to be a role model but was unprepared for how soon someone would take notice. (@pchanner)
- My Inspiration — Erin at A Beatnik’s Beat on Life has written thank-you letters to everyone who’s inspired her to become the lactivist and natural parenting advocate she is today. (@babybeatnik)
Related posts:
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Heartfelt stuff. I want to give you a (((HUG))). Thank you for speaking so openly about something I think a LOT of us feel. Many have childhood memories of not being good enough, of being abused, but it takes an evolved soul to want to be your best when you’ve endured something like this. I admire you and you ARE a role model for not wanting to enforce this belief onto the next generation. You want to love yourself so that you teach your kids how to love themselves too. All power to you …
I think we are all our own worst critics. I judge myself far more harshly than I judge any other mothers I know. I read somewhere recently that being a mother basically brings out the best in us and the worst…and you know, when we are focused on self-improvement and trying to be our best for our kids, it is easy to focus on all of the little ways we fail and to forget to applaud our successes. But from the outside, others looking at us, I think it really is the opposite. I’m sure there are people out there that admire your parenting.
I can empathize – I, too, am hounded by the guilt monster. I think one thing that has really helped me now that I am a mother is remember that Kieran will learn how to deal with his emotions/problems by watching me. I don’t want HIM to feel guilty for everything. I want him to be able to resolve things and move on! In order for him to learn that, I need to model it. It’s a work in progress.
Oh, sweetie, it’s hard, isn’t it? I’m always feeling like a failure, too. I don’t know if it helps to know you’re not alone in feeling this way or not. I don’t have any solutions. I would only suggest hanging onto the way your son loves you and responds to you — he thinks you’re wonderful, yes? And then just continue to be real with him as he grows, modeling how to apologize, forgive, try again, and love yourself. It’s a work in progress.
Boy is it, I just feel like the work will never end. And you know, it won’t! Thanks for the encouragement, Lauren, I appreciate it.
You ended with “it’s a work in progress,” just like hobo mama. Haha. You two must hang out a lot.
I think you are exactly right. He will model me, so I can’t feel guilty all the time. Although, thinking that almost makes me feel more guilty for feeling guilty. Ugh. I’ll get better. Thank you, Dionna.
It does bring out the best and worst- that’s so true. I know we are our own worst critics, and it really is hard to escape that mentality. Thank you for the sweet comment.
Thank you for for the sweet comment, Mrs Green
, you are very kind. I hope I can at least inspire my children some day.
It’s amazing how tough it can be to convince ourselves to feel that what we know logically is true, really is. I think both your dedication to parenting well and your courage in talking about very personal feelings are inspirational! I love the quote you end with, “if God be with me, who can be against me”. Knowing that God loves me no matter what always helps me feel better about myself when I start feeling like a lousy wife/mother/person.
Ah yes, mommy guilt! I think, especially with little ones, it’s hard because they aren’t able to articulate “you are doing an awesome job at raising me”.
YOU ARE an awesome momma!
Sounds like you and I both needed to read Arwyn’s post on this subject. I completely understand. But I think you’ve touched people in positive ways even if you aren’t sure. Your blog’s readers attest to it. Will it ever feel like “enough”? I’m not sure. I hope that someday there will be a peace. Either it will descend or you will choose it. Either way, you’ll know you’ve done a good job. Because it sounds like you have–you just need to grab the title!
I lack confidence, too. But I’ve come to realize that while perfection isn’t possible, it also isn’t necessary. Just by showing up every day and doing your best, you’re a great mom. That’s it. That’s all we have to do, and it sounds like you’re doing that and more. I’m sure that Axel appreciates it, whether he can tell you so or not.
Yes… I keep telling my husband how excited I am for him to be a tad bit older, so he can start saying, “mommy, can we go outside… color… read… etc…” It will be such a relief! I’m really thankful to know that I am not the only mom who is going through this, I was beginning to think something was seriously wrong with me!